Have you ever longed for a friend you could look in the eye and talk to without giving them the whole backstory? I love when I can say one sentence and know that this person just gets it.
Unfortunately, in this military life, that level of friendship comes at a high price and not everyone chooses to pay it.
Typically, relationships are built upon a shared something. Usually a common experience like work, mutual friends, children or a hobby. Or else they’re based on geography. I have had besties because we fly, go to a great church, have children at school together or we lived down the street from each other.
But each one cost a piece of me.
You see there’s a choice you make when you meet someone that you think you’ll be great friends with. You can open that door to your heart, or not. If you do, then you’re in for a world of fun, meaningful conversations and all the joys of friendship. But then there’s the other side. There’s the goodbyes and the missing and then the longing for someone who knows you like they did. I have so many of these. And try as you both might, for ninety percent of those relationships, with each passing year the closeness fades just a smidge.
This had never occurred to me until we had a year left in Virginia. At that point I realized that I could continue to throw myself into life here or start to withdraw. Several friends were going through rough spots and I wanted to be there and invest but I was made aware that it was going to hurt two particular friends quite badly when we leave.
So while I don’t pretend to be the greatest friend in history, I paused to consider if my friendship might be doing more harm than good. That battle waged for several days. Then in quick succession, two friends listened to my dilemma and then teared up. They both confessed they had considered pulling away too. My soul felt like I was wearing chain mail – thoroughly dragged down.
I suspect Jesus understands this all too well. He had to know what his crucifixion would do to the disciples. Yet he poured into them with everything he had. He served them, taught them, rescued them (more than once), got into adventures and scrapes with them, stunned them repeatedly, loved them and SAVED them. I’ve served, rescued and adventured with my people. I won’t admit to any scrapes (and will deny any left in the comments), and I don’t have the ability to save.
I have tried to love everyone Jesus has blessed me with, well. Imagine my relief when both those friends said they couldn’t do that, couldn’t back off, and stated (quite fiercely) that I’d better not get any ideas about that either.
I’ve lived all over, worked and stayed home, had excess to share and scraped by on Hamburger Helper and PBJs, retreated and jumped in. Through all of that there’s one thing I know for sure (beside Jesus being the son of God), and that’s that loving people is ALWAYS worth the cost.
Thanks for sharing this, Debb. I’m about to go someplace for six months and was considering how much I want to invest in making new friends there. You’ve encouraged me to go for it!
I love that, thanks you Brenda. And I was supposed to post this a while ago and my website failed. Perhaps that was can issue for the Lord’s timing. I”ll be praying for you. You always have a friend in my corner of the world.
Thanks for this Debb. As an expat I’ve experienced what you so vividly describe, and arrived at the same conclusion, that loving and losing is better than withdrawing and witholding love. I’m so glad you remind us that this is the way the Saviour both taught and lived.
Thank you Maggie. I love that we can talk about these things openly. And I love hearing from you. Wish you lived closer!!
Love this!!
I know you get it! Still miss your sweet face.
You leave a brilliant trail of love wherever you go. You take us with you and we take you with us. God is like that—everywhere, always. My advice? Continue to love large for love like that is never wasted and is forever. Live each moment in the moment and don’t hold back. Sending you my love and gratitude from afar. You bless me still with your writing and your life. Peace be with you.
Nita – you made me teary! You are exactly right. Love is never wasted. I”m so glad I got the chance to love you and Mark and the other fabulous Texans we consider as family. Thank you.
Beautifully said. Love IS the only way.
Amen sister.
I love you to the moon and back, and am so greatfull that you reached out to me in friendship. I know all too well how easy it is to put up walls and retreat to safer spaces. I am so thankful for you.
That is beyond mutual. A great friend is a blessing. One that speaks as much ballet as you do, so we can figure it out between us – that’s a rare gift. Can’t wait to see you tonight. You clever thing!!!