For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against … the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12, ESV).

Are You the Jerk?

My husband jokes, “every family has a jerk. If you think your family doesn’t have one, check the mirror to make sure it isn’t you.” 

Family relationships can be the most difficult because we’re so close. Where strangers and acquaintances see a quirky habit, the people who put up with our “quirks” every day find irritation—and their idiosyncrasies drive us a little nuts. 

Smile and Wave

We treat strangers better than family members and “put on a happy face” in public. We smile and wave at acquaintances as we turn into the church parking lot—after fighting with family for the last five miles. We save our best attitudes for circumstances in which we feel unsure, or for people who might decide our wild emotions are not worth the effort. 

Halt

Two decades ago, my college psychology professor explained an acronym I’ve never forgotten: HALT. Halt communication if you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. (If I were teaching the class, I’d change “Angry” to “Extremely Emotional,” because times of grief can be just as touchy as times of anger. But then the acronym would be HEELT, which makes about as much sense as taking out our extreme emotions on the people who love us most.) Family members see us when we’re hungry, extremely emotional, lonely, or tired. Some days, the entire family experiences one or more of these feelings at once. That’s just life, but it’s also a recipe for disaster. 

Freak Out

It’s easy to blow up at the nearest individual when we’re upset. When we’ve been on the side of the highway in the summer heat for three hours with a blown engine waiting for a tow truck—which was promised to arrive two hours ago—and the kids are screaming for food and a bathroom, our frustrations direct themselves at the nearest source of irritation. So we scream at the kids. And when our worried spouse calls from the out-of-state work trip for the fifteenth time to see if we’re okay, we freak out. No, we’re not okay. Everyone just. Shut. Up. 

Deep down, we know we shouldn’t be yelling at the kids or the spouse. 

Who’s to Blame? 

“We do not wrestle against flesh and blood” seemed to highlight itself on my screen this week. We consider family members “our own flesh and blood.” The verse speaks general truth (our fight is not with humans, but with the spirit world influencing those humans) but the description applies to family. 

When we need to eat, or when we’re grieving, or when we haven’t slept well in a week, or when we’re feeling utterly alone, we should be extra careful. The enemy wants to destroy our relationships—particularly those with the people who love us most. During a family misunderstanding, we must remember: if we react in negative ways, the enemy wins. 

The Solution

We’ll never be perfect this side of heaven, but we can be more intentional during conflict. Let’s aim our weapons at the correct target. A human—not even the family’s jerk—isn’t the problem. In the heat of a disagreement, let’s try to imagine the enemy laughing. We fight an unseen enemy which is using a human’s actions to prompt us to behave in ways that aren’t in God’s plan. If we utilize God’s battle strategy (outlined in verses following Ephesians 6:12), maybe our family dynamic will change. When the unseen enemy loses, our flesh and blood family wins.  

Meet Becky…