You will certainly wear out both yourself and these people who are with you, because the task is too heavy for you. You can’t do it alone.
Exodus 18:18
I just released a book. My 17th. I don’t tell you that because I want you to buy it (although you can totally learn more about it at kristiannhunter.com) but because I want you to know I’ve done this before, and what I am about to tell you has been true every time.
Whenever I launch a book, I feel alone. That’s my name on the cover, my name getting talked about – or not talked about – by readers. Everything about the book falls on my reputation and it’s me who feels vulnerable about the story going out into the world.
The funny thing is, I wasn’t alone making the book. I have writer friends who were involved from the initial brainstorming, family that made time for me to write and read early drafts, editors and beta readers (like Debb!) who helped make it shine, an assistant you prods me to write words on a regular basis, a cover artist who loves me enough to be patient with the 42nd time I tell her something is wrong with the file, and fans who can’t wait to get their hands on a copy and devour the story.
With all that, though, I still feel I have to carry the book alone.
The weight of life
This idea goes beyond writing. Even though I work (both as a writer and in a part time job outside the home) something makes me think I have to carry the maintenance of the home and family alone. (Yes, I know what the something is – yay for therapy – but that is not the point of this article.) I feel like the burden of becoming healthier mentally, physically, and spiritually is something I have to do alone. Getting help is cheating.
I’m not the only one who feels like this. Everyone I meet has something they feel alone about. Whether it’s handling a trauma, finishing a project, or changing the world, there’s something in our life we’ve been convinced is ours alone.
But that’s not how God wants us to be.
When Moses was leading the Israelites, he was trying to do everything on his own. He heard every dispute, managed every question, and guided every decision. His father-in-law sees the burden and tells him that continuing to do everything alone will break both Moses and the people he is seeking to lead and help. He says, “You can’t do it alone.”
Moses sees the truth in this and sets up people to handle the smaller things so that he is free to focus on the things where he truly is the only person who could do it.
No one can write the book for me. That’s on me. But everything else? I don’t have to do it alone. I can’t do it alone. It would wear me out.
Not solo
And that is true in so many areas of life. Over the years I’ve learned how to accept that it isn’t only my job to clean the kitchen or do the laundry or pick up the groceries. Taking that onto myself is even more ridiculous when one considers the fact that my husband worked in a grocery store for years and can make his way around a shopping list five times faster than I can.
When I buy into the idea that I am alone, I take on burdens God never meant for me.
It would be easy to wrap this up and say if you feel alone you just need to look around you and see who would be more than happy to take some of your load, but the execution of that task is anything but simple.
Overcoming that feeling of being alone is incredibly difficult. So many things play into the idea. You might need counseling or Bible study or psychiatric help. You might need to offer someone else some assistance so that you remember you aren’t the only person with tasks and burdens. You might need to find a church or start attending yours again. You might need to reconnect with family. You might need to lay everything down and truly get alone with God so you can get your heart and priorities in line.
The promise
Whatever your next step is, know that you aren’t alone in feeling alone and you don’t have to stay there. God never meant for us to be alone. From the very beginning He recognized that we need others in our lives to help us function. Don’t buy into that lie that you are the exception.
You don’t have to do this life alone, because you can’t. That task is too heavy for any of us. Take time today to be there for someone else and allow someone else to be there for you.
Award-winning author, Kristi Ann Hunter, has been a lover of stories from a very young age. Now she spins her faith and humor into romantic tales set in Regency England. Her books include A Noble Masquerade and Vying for the Viscount and celebrate the fact that God created people in His image and offers His grace to all. When she isn’t writing or consuming large amounts of Chick-fil-A diet lemonade, she works on her podcast, A Rough Draft Life, and spends time with her family and working with the youth at her church.
Visit Kristi Ann’s website
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Love this post. I think part of the American pysche is to do it alone – to rise and fall on your own merit, to do it all and do it exceptionally. That kind of alone is not healthy. Community feeds our soul and saves our sanity. The cycle of alone breaks when we let others in and acknowledge that accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness, but of wisdom. Now, if someone would just remind me of that the next time I try to do it all myself! Thanks for sharing these encouraging words.
Yes! Realizing the truth and what we need to do about it is often easier than actually doing it.
Kristi Ann, that really hit home. Our daughter died June 14 at the age of 43. In the last four months of her life, I had to depend on God — and other people — in a way I never had before. I was so scared. Still am. It was a crash course in letting others in.
Because God never meant us to do this journey by ourselves, did He?
I also agree with the part about writing and authorship. On Pub Day, it rises and falls on you. An awesoe responsibility, especially if you’re an inspirational writer.
Thank you for being so transparent, friend. You are quite right – we are not meant to be alone. I’m glad you’re letting others come alongside you. That is a privileged place to be.