Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. Psalm 51:2

Last week, sewage overflowed into our basement. Big, fat yuck. Fortunately, the damage was minimal and the flood turned out to be surprisingly serendipitous. The only casualty was my childhood camp trunk which was sitting in a pool of nasty water, requiring me to quickly sort through it to save whatever I could. It turned out to be a cathartic exercise; a wonderful break from the smelly clean up, looking through childhood treasures I hadn’t seen in years. As I was glancing through silly notes that middle school girls surreptitiously pass under their desks, I found the report cards my mother had so proudly saved, tucked behind my doll collection, 1970’s “Teen” magazines, and letters from and to my family (especially an amusing a sequence of scrawled notes begging my mom to bring me home from my first year at camp because I was so terribly homesick). I think my mom  had saved every piece of artwork that I ever created!

Reprise and Renew

It was a wonderful reprise from cleaning up the other mess in the basement: so affirming to read the comments written by teachers. Reading those words gave me fresh eyes to see who God (and my teachers) thought I was, rather than other words that had been spoken over me as a child. We all have those words that have been spoken over us that are NOT the words that our heavenly father uses to describe us. They are NOT who we are in Christ. It’s amazing how powerful the images are that the enemy likes to use to construct his false narrative over who we are. It is not who we are as the heirs of the King of Kings. Yet, those childhood misperceptions of who we are can linger and fester.

It was a wonderful reprise sifting through my trunk…UNTIL…I came across a letter from a family member that stung. And another. Incredible how words written so long ago could still pierce my grown woman’s heart. Reeling momentarily, I recovered, and then casually tore up the letter and threw it back into the spoiled trunk. Into the trash that memory would go. That was a keepsake I didn’t need to keep. I prayed as I ripped up the letter, asking God to work in my life. It reminded me of Genesis 1 when the Holy Spirit came and hovered over the chaos and darkness and mess of pre-creation. I felt like the Holy Spirit was hovering over that period of chaos and darkness and mess of my life and restoring it. Ironically, as I was cleaning up the mess in the basement, God was cleaning the mess in my heart and making it whole.  Creating out of the chaos something beautiful.

A Time to Let Go

When I related this incident to my husband, he asked what the hurtful words were. But God had healed my desire to dwell on those words. Instead, I chose not to give them validity or strength by repeating them aloud. Instead, I left them in the discarded trunk where they belonged. For those few moments while reeling from the effect of those wounding words, I considered the conversation I would like to have with the letter writer’s author—ways to justify my anger and hurt. How powerful is our God that he turned that embedded behavior pattern on a dime and instantly healed my desire for retribution and vindication!

And of course, God’s timing is impeccable. This massive physical and emotional clean up came just the day before that very same family member telephoned! This is someone whose phone calls to me I can count on my hands and toes. Yet they called that very next day. God’s cleansing had made it possible that what could have been a minefield of a conversation that I might have regretted by reverting back to childhood behavior, was a healthy, productive call where I could reflect God’s kindness. 

The Journey to Cleanliness and Truth

I am learning forgiveness, grace, and mercy through God’s gift of allowing me to see myself through his eyes. Who would’ve thought that raw sewage in the basement would lead to such purification? What Satan meant for evil, God intended for good. As I scoured, double scrubbed and triple sanitized the lower level, Psalm 51 showed new meaning to me.

Psalm 51

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.

Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.